On Tuesday 9th July 2013 three therapists held a consultation with one volunteer client, the guinea pig, and an audience, in a café in Stroud. Here the guinea pig describes the experience, and the therapists describe their approaches, and the guinea pig describes the effects:
I have lived with poor health for years – at 20 I had migraines so bad I had to leave my car at work and stopped the taxi on the way home to be sick. I have always had terrible PMT, making me feel agoraphobic, irritable, angry, terribly depressed and lethargic. However I have viewed this as part of a “natural” cycle and so have just put up with it.
Periods of depression over the years which started when I was very young have come and gone, but have become more deep and more marked by cycles peaking the week prior to my period. And the last two years have seen the onset of 2-3 week headaches and a regular pre-period migraine lasting 5 days and which shoots acute pain into my right eye causing it to be bloodshot and stream with water.
At such times I shut down, I don’t like light, noise, people, activity or any kind of stimulation. Yes as I am self-employed (and unable to take sick days lest I let down a client or lose income) and am also the Mummy of a 5 year old, I can never take sick rest so pump my body with pain killers for days and days at a time.
I go to bed early but wake to go to the toilet 1-3 times in the night as I am always drinking so much to stop my headaches and thirst. I go to sleep easily but sleep lightly and wake early (currently 4am) and am sometimes unable to go back to sleep. So sleep does not rest me and I often wake up feeling so tired it must be time to go to bed.
I feel permanently hungover to a lesser or greater degree yet barely drink – even one glass of wine makes my head ache the next day and causes me not to sleep, so I generally avoid it. So even sans alcohol, it’s mostly that weary feeling of: it can’t be morning, I feel so weak, my head hurts, my eyes sting with the light.
Strong tea pushes me into the day and I race at all the many things I have to do, relying seemingly on adrenaline and force of will. If you met me, you’d say I was energetic, happy and healthy, because in spite of all this I have a fierce bright energy and am very determined.
So why now? If I have lived like this for at least two decades of my 45 years, why the sudden, intentional seeking of a cure?
Because added to the mix of migraines, depression, symptoms of diabetes and exhaustion, 3 weeks ago came daily heart palpitations that caused me to nearly faint. Suddenly I was afraid and could no longer say “natural rhythms, nothing critical, get on with it, take a pain killer”.
So I did what I hardly ever do and booked a doctor’s appointment. There I was told “my cycle is interfering with my vasomotor system” and was given two choices.:
a) Treat each symptom eg with beta blockers for the heart palpitations, migraine medication and Prozac for the PMT (but I am only depressed 1-2 weeks a month!).
She may as well have explained that option as “A life of side effects which will compound your declining health”.
OR
b) Make my periods stop by going permanently on the pill.
I was asked barely any questions by the doctor (Diet? Lifestyle? Life events? Current stresses? – no seems they are not important).
I was horrified. Periods are inconvenient but I have always seen them as a natural cycle, part of the rhythm of life, a cathartic purging and expelling.
However I was desperate and started the pill the next day. It’s been 2 weeks now. I have results of blood tests for menopause, diabetes, thyroid and an ECG on their way.
At the same time, with the same sense of desperation, I applied to be Stroud Natural Health Clinic’s Guinea Pig.
As a result, I was given the attention of three people who are as un-stereotypically alternative health as you can get (why is it called alternative health anyway? Surely the doctor is the alternative to health). Peter, Pam and Mary were highly professional, highly experienced, highly dedicated, sincere and knowledgeable, and wanted to ask questions.
They made observations and asked questions whose relevance leapt out at me “Do you always arrive early and are you a planner?” Pam asked me that within one minute of meeting me. Mary told me how PMT and an underactive thyroid are related (a doctor has never told me that) and correctly predicted I would enjoy mostly vegetarian food as a result of my blood group. Peter joined the dots of my many quirks and my jigsaw of symptoms to signpost a possible remedy.
We talked a long time. The audience asked some really interesting questions too about running treatments concurrently and the impact of retaining a poor diet when seeking an alternative therapy without a nutrition component . The next day I felt ridiculously emotional. The damn of my poor emotional and physical health is bursting.
So finally 45 years into life, I have the dawning of a greater understanding into how the impacts of my personality, my diet, my family legacy and my sometimes very stressful life have impacted my health really quite seriously. As I get older there is only one way this is going to go, unless I do something now.
I have more questions than answers, but I have hope. Hope for good health – at least for the second half of my life.
Periods of depression over the years which started when I was very young have come and gone, but have become more deep and more marked by cycles peaking the week prior to my period. And the last two years have seen the onset of 2-3 week headaches and a regular pre-period migraine lasting 5 days and which shoots acute pain into my right eye causing it to be bloodshot and stream with water.
At such times I shut down, I don’t like light, noise, people, activity or any kind of stimulation. Yes as I am self-employed (and unable to take sick days lest I let down a client or lose income) and am also the Mummy of a 5 year old, I can never take sick rest so pump my body with pain killers for days and days at a time.
I go to bed early but wake to go to the toilet 1-3 times in the night as I am always drinking so much to stop my headaches and thirst. I go to sleep easily but sleep lightly and wake early (currently 4am) and am sometimes unable to go back to sleep. So sleep does not rest me and I often wake up feeling so tired it must be time to go to bed.
I feel permanently hungover to a lesser or greater degree yet barely drink – even one glass of wine makes my head ache the next day and causes me not to sleep, so I generally avoid it. So even sans alcohol, it’s mostly that weary feeling of: it can’t be morning, I feel so weak, my head hurts, my eyes sting with the light.
Strong tea pushes me into the day and I race at all the many things I have to do, relying seemingly on adrenaline and force of will. If you met me, you’d say I was energetic, happy and healthy, because in spite of all this I have a fierce bright energy and am very determined.
So why now? If I have lived like this for at least two decades of my 45 years, why the sudden, intentional seeking of a cure?
Because added to the mix of migraines, depression, symptoms of diabetes and exhaustion, 3 weeks ago came daily heart palpitations that caused me to nearly faint. Suddenly I was afraid and could no longer say “natural rhythms, nothing critical, get on with it, take a pain killer”.
So I did what I hardly ever do and booked a doctor’s appointment. There I was told “my cycle is interfering with my vasomotor system” and was given two choices.:
a) Treat each symptom eg with beta blockers for the heart palpitations, migraine medication and Prozac for the PMT (but I am only depressed 1-2 weeks a month!).
She may as well have explained that option as “A life of side effects which will compound your declining health”.
OR
b) Make my periods stop by going permanently on the pill.
I was asked barely any questions by the doctor (Diet? Lifestyle? Life events? Current stresses? – no seems they are not important).
I was horrified. Periods are inconvenient but I have always seen them as a natural cycle, part of the rhythm of life, a cathartic purging and expelling.
However I was desperate and started the pill the next day. It’s been 2 weeks now. I have results of blood tests for menopause, diabetes, thyroid and an ECG on their way.
At the same time, with the same sense of desperation, I applied to be Stroud Natural Health Clinic’s Guinea Pig.
As a result, I was given the attention of three people who are as un-stereotypically alternative health as you can get (why is it called alternative health anyway? Surely the doctor is the alternative to health). Peter, Pam and Mary were highly professional, highly experienced, highly dedicated, sincere and knowledgeable, and wanted to ask questions.
They made observations and asked questions whose relevance leapt out at me “Do you always arrive early and are you a planner?” Pam asked me that within one minute of meeting me. Mary told me how PMT and an underactive thyroid are related (a doctor has never told me that) and correctly predicted I would enjoy mostly vegetarian food as a result of my blood group. Peter joined the dots of my many quirks and my jigsaw of symptoms to signpost a possible remedy.
We talked a long time. The audience asked some really interesting questions too about running treatments concurrently and the impact of retaining a poor diet when seeking an alternative therapy without a nutrition component . The next day I felt ridiculously emotional. The damn of my poor emotional and physical health is bursting.
So finally 45 years into life, I have the dawning of a greater understanding into how the impacts of my personality, my diet, my family legacy and my sometimes very stressful life have impacted my health really quite seriously. As I get older there is only one way this is going to go, unless I do something now.
I have more questions than answers, but I have hope. Hope for good health – at least for the second half of my life.
And now the therapists describe their approaches:
Peter Adams; The Homeopath's Approach
Peter spoke about the complexity of human illness, and how it is not rooted in any one part of the body, or any one organ, it is a dysfunction of the whole person. He said that this client demonstrated this very clearly with her complex of various problems that seem to suggest diabetes, depression, hormonal problems etc. The source of illness is in the regulation of the whole organism, and emotional factors can be very important. There is a homeopathic remedy called Ignatia and Peter thinks this is the right remedy for our ‘guinea pig’. This remedy is called for in the personality type described. Our client has a distinctive personality – she is active internationally campaigning for children’s’ rights. She is a very committed compassionate person with huge energy for her work, ie she is a person with strong ideals. Ignatia also covers alternating states or problems, including alternating moods. Confirmation for Ignatia comes from her ravenous hunger at 10.30 am, her aversion to fruit and her claustrophobia, which are all features of the pattern of ill-health which this remedy can correct. In homeopathy, when the homeopathic remedy matches the symptom picture of the whole person it can heal the whole person. Peter expects Ignatia to harmonise the disrupted function of this person’s whole system and reduce all the problems she has described.
Mary Sharma: The Nutritional Therapist’s Approach:
Mary explained that her approach would be via naturopathic nutrition and would include dietary and lifestyle changes with some supplementation to support digestion, blood sugar control and hormonal balance.
Our guinea pig’s symptoms suggest
· Low blood sugar-indicated by headaches, migraines, depression and pre-menstrual tension. This will be aggravated by periods of not eating and by relying upon sugar, lattes and alcohol as a pick me up. Our guinea pig had already noticed that her migraines had improved somewhat upon reduction of sugar, lattes and alcohol.
· Low adrenal function-The low blood sugar levels will affect adrenal function. These glands help us deal with stress, regulate sodium and potassium, support stable blood sugar levels and release anti-inflammatory hormones in response to pain. They also control immune responses. Other signs in her case history suggesting lowered adrenal function are morning sickness with pregnancy and major stresses in early teens to cope with
· Low thyroid function-Adrenal function will in turn affect thyroid function. Our guinea pig had an underactive thyroid diagnosed at the end of her 20’s, following a period of stress. A high percentage of women suffering from PMT also have a thyroid problem. Depression has also been linked to an underactive thyroid.
· Imbalanced mineral status: potassium/magnesium-restless leg syndrome, depression, PMT, migraines, insomnia
· Liver support required: re PMT, headaches and migraine, rosacea during periods-all are connected in naturopathic medicine and eastern medicine (Ayurveda and Chinese medicine) to liver function
· Bowel support required: bowels are more loose recently and especially with menstruation suggesting increased estrogen affecting gall bladder function
· Possible food intolerance to wheat/gluten: anaemia in the past, loose bowels, thyroid problems.Mary would hope that with a stabilisation of blood sugar levels and liver support that depression and PMT would improve. A stabilisation of insulin will help balance the other hormones (progesterone, estrogen, thyroxine, cortisol and adrenaline).
Pam Everitt: Acupuncture Diagnosis.
The first thing I needed to establish about the ‘guinea pig’ was her Causative Factor (CF). This is one of the central ideas of Five Element acupuncture. The CF is the name given to the element whose weakness is the key to all the patterns of disharmony within the body, mind and spirit. The CF is primarily revealed by the Colour, Sound, Odour and Emotion. Using these four diagnostic tools I diagnosed as being a Wood CF. I saw a blue-green colour on her face, heard a Shout (not meant pejoratively) in her voice. Her emotion was Anger, again, not in a pejorative sense, her work in Human Rights Advocacy for Women and Children, suggests she has a strong sense of outrage and injustice. I was unable to detect her odour on the night. Odour has nothing to do with cleanliness.
The Wood element is the season of Spring, it is the power of Birth, the climate of Wind. Wood opens into the eyes hence the sense organ is sight. Ligaments and tendons are the tissue and body parts associated with Wood. The secretion is Tears and external manifestations are the Nails. There are many other associations to the Wood element that are too great to be detailed here.
Treatment of Wood CF patients involves needling acupuncture points along the Liver and Gall Bladder meridians (energy pathways). When we talk of organs, such as the Liver and Gall Bladder, we need to appreciate that in Chinese medicine, the word ‘organ’ carries much wider connotations than in the Western physiological sense.
There are too many associations with the Liver and Gall Bladder meridians to list. However, an example of how the ‘guinea pig’ may be helped by needling the two meridians is the Liver’s function of storing Blood. The function of storing Blood has an important effect on menstruation. Malfunction of the Liver may result in premenstrual tension. The ‘guinea pig’ described how hopeless she feels when suffering from PMT. The Wood Element is all about vision on a body, mind, and spirit level, it is clear that on a mental and spirit level PMT leaves the ‘guinea pig’ lacking vision for the future, hence her sense of hopelessness.
In summary, by treating her Wood Element I would hope to see her symptoms at body, mind and spirit level improve greatly, if not disappear completely.
The Guinea Pig's Verdict On Homeopathy: 'Big changes but not the ones I expected.'
I started homeopathy mid-July, coinciding with being on the mini-pill which stopped my periods.
As days ticked by my health had improved but I couldn’t say for sure it was the Ignatia prescribed by Peter. I’d also started to notice internal shifts in how I felt: more solid and clear about things in my life.
It was only a few weeks later that I felt certain homeopathy had an effect.
Why? Because my health had improved in ways not linked to taking the mini-pill such as altered but improved sleep patterns (still some insomnia but I actually wake feeling rested now) and less appetite early in the day.
Meanwhile I’d had predictable improvements (predicted by conventional medicine) in almost a complete cessation of migraines, no more depressed mood (how incredible is that!), no more heart palpitations and no unquenchable thirst and dark urine.
But the biggest shift of all was in making a huge life decision – to leave my partner and become homeless in the process – without a sense of the ambiguity, regret and volte face which had plagued our previous break-ups and make-ups.
Seemingly overnight, it became powerfully clear to me that this was not a relationship which supported my values, indeed it compromised them – a possessive and demanding clip to my free spirited wings.
I had seen this aspect of our relationship many times, but had worked with it, believing it was solvable, doable, manageable. But this time there was no reconciliation after a predictable argument. In the dialogue that followed the morning after the night before, I said “there is no going back this time, I feel it, I know it. I will never ever change my mind”. And I was right.
In the past I have made very difficult decisions and grasped them with white knuckles and clenched teeth, waiting until I passed the phase of intense stress and oscillation.
But for what feels like the first time in my life I made a really hard choice feeling calm, and trusting in myself in a way that was deeply reassuring, life affirming and really quite incredible.
It was his house and so when I left him I also had to leave what had become my home. Suddenly I was sleeping on my mother’s lounge floor with my young daughter, having reached the end of my savings, having no clue how I would find another home to rent with such an erratic income, let alone before school resumes in September.
And all the time continuing to work on a really challenging contract desperately hoping no one at work realised that I still worked from home, but no longer had one (landline removed from email footer and skype or mobile preferred). Yet at the same time feeling overwhelmingly calm and at peace.
I sensed that was the homeopathy at play because it was too different to any state of being I’ve known before.
When I met Peter again at that 6 week point, the best way I can describe how I felt was like disparate parts of me had been united into a solid core. No questions, no doubt, a peace in being me. It felt like this crisis point I had reached was waiting to happen and the events which unfolded from it were like pre-set dominoes – each falling into the next - tap, tap, tap, until I reach a predictable and I hope positive outcome (I’m still not sure what that is).
Had I felt this before in periods when not depressed or when in the past I have been on the pill? No. This feeling is definitely something new and it continues. I have had counselling on and off over the years and have a good understanding of what emotional and psychological change feels like, and I have to say it is normally geologically slow and also painful compared to this.
I asked Peter if significant emotional impacts (I mean beyond a levelling of mood) were expected in homeopathy. Yes they can happen he said, as homeopathy works at both a lower (physical) and higher (spiritual) level, but the person must be strong and willing to accept that shift. I felt proud. I know I am strong and resilient, but I didn’t perhaps appreciate how truly ready I was for sweeping emotional as well as physical change.
It feels like I have eased into being me. Like different parts of me have been flapping around in the wind trying to connect with eachother and I am now united in a neat bundle, from within which I can settle further into myself.
I write this in week 7. So do not know how this will play out, but I still feel optimistic, I still feel like I am at peace within what for now seems to be rather a mess. As I said to Peter “I am having a life crisis which feels rather easy to have”. That can’t be bad.
Meanwhile I have just completed my second course of homeopathy tablets and will soon be starting acupuncture. I am keen to completely stop the headaches – while milder and less frequent they do still occur, to stop insomnia completely (although that is harder to judge while camping out and my sleep environment is not usual). I would also like to stop the mini-pill and resume my body’s natural cycles, but want to build more confidence in the improvements made thus far before attempting this.
The Guinea Pig; My First Time At Acupuncture
Having now had homeopathy and been on the mini pill for a while, my list of symptoms has reduced. My main concerns are now regular headaches (far far milder as I no longer have migraines) and ongoing insomnia.
When I was a young girl I used to accompany my Mum to her acupuncture sessions in the 1970s, which she had for a bad back. I would sit patiently playing or reading as she lay on the couch, her back pricked with needles which would remain in place for the whole session, only to be removed at the end.
So that is what I was expecting from Pam.
However Pam practises 5 element acupuncture, which I have learned is a far more involved, traditional and complex system. To use a banal analogy, Pam’s style of acupuncture is like making a pot of loose leaf tea with its depth of flavour, complexity of taste and accompanying ritual and richness of experience, and the acupuncture my mother had was a Tetley’s tea bag.
The language of 5 elements acupuncture is poetic and philosophical, with locations within the physical and energetic body such as “Sun and Moon” and “Gateway of Hope”. As a client you do not need to know these of course, but for me, they gave me a sense of affinity with what is essentially an unfathomable process (to me).
From the discussions Pam and I had, it is clear that she is both incredibly knowledgeable about this traditional and almost elite form of acupuncture, and also incredibly modest.
While acupuncture and the medical system which underpins it are 2,000 years old, our Western culture has only just decided there might be something in it, with four mainstream UK universities now offering acupuncture degrees.
What instantly engaged me was Pam’s diagnostic ability. She knew almost straight away that I was a Wood Causative Factor, indeed when I met her at the “Guinea Pig evening” and arrived early, she immediately asked “Do you always arrive early?” and had already started making her diagnosis, her first impression being confirmed many questions and answers later.
The best way I can describe the concept of a causative factor, from the very little I know, is that it provides the seed of the person – how they manifest physically, mentally/emotionally and spiritually, and how they then take this combined presence into the world and interact with it. And it is in balancing and treating this essence, that the whole person is restored to equilibrium and health. That’s my layman’s way of explaining my very basic layman’s understanding.
And since having had two sessions, I have been affected on all three levels:
A very exciting journey to be on. I also have a lovely new rental home, my 6 week stint at sleeping on my mother’s dining room floor having had a very happy ending, with my daughter and I now happily settled.
There are more sessions to come with acupuncture, perhaps 5 or 6 in total, but that will be determined as its effects are recorded.
Peter spoke about the complexity of human illness, and how it is not rooted in any one part of the body, or any one organ, it is a dysfunction of the whole person. He said that this client demonstrated this very clearly with her complex of various problems that seem to suggest diabetes, depression, hormonal problems etc. The source of illness is in the regulation of the whole organism, and emotional factors can be very important. There is a homeopathic remedy called Ignatia and Peter thinks this is the right remedy for our ‘guinea pig’. This remedy is called for in the personality type described. Our client has a distinctive personality – she is active internationally campaigning for children’s’ rights. She is a very committed compassionate person with huge energy for her work, ie she is a person with strong ideals. Ignatia also covers alternating states or problems, including alternating moods. Confirmation for Ignatia comes from her ravenous hunger at 10.30 am, her aversion to fruit and her claustrophobia, which are all features of the pattern of ill-health which this remedy can correct. In homeopathy, when the homeopathic remedy matches the symptom picture of the whole person it can heal the whole person. Peter expects Ignatia to harmonise the disrupted function of this person’s whole system and reduce all the problems she has described.
Mary Sharma: The Nutritional Therapist’s Approach:
Mary explained that her approach would be via naturopathic nutrition and would include dietary and lifestyle changes with some supplementation to support digestion, blood sugar control and hormonal balance.
Our guinea pig’s symptoms suggest
· Low blood sugar-indicated by headaches, migraines, depression and pre-menstrual tension. This will be aggravated by periods of not eating and by relying upon sugar, lattes and alcohol as a pick me up. Our guinea pig had already noticed that her migraines had improved somewhat upon reduction of sugar, lattes and alcohol.
· Low adrenal function-The low blood sugar levels will affect adrenal function. These glands help us deal with stress, regulate sodium and potassium, support stable blood sugar levels and release anti-inflammatory hormones in response to pain. They also control immune responses. Other signs in her case history suggesting lowered adrenal function are morning sickness with pregnancy and major stresses in early teens to cope with
· Low thyroid function-Adrenal function will in turn affect thyroid function. Our guinea pig had an underactive thyroid diagnosed at the end of her 20’s, following a period of stress. A high percentage of women suffering from PMT also have a thyroid problem. Depression has also been linked to an underactive thyroid.
· Imbalanced mineral status: potassium/magnesium-restless leg syndrome, depression, PMT, migraines, insomnia
· Liver support required: re PMT, headaches and migraine, rosacea during periods-all are connected in naturopathic medicine and eastern medicine (Ayurveda and Chinese medicine) to liver function
· Bowel support required: bowels are more loose recently and especially with menstruation suggesting increased estrogen affecting gall bladder function
· Possible food intolerance to wheat/gluten: anaemia in the past, loose bowels, thyroid problems.Mary would hope that with a stabilisation of blood sugar levels and liver support that depression and PMT would improve. A stabilisation of insulin will help balance the other hormones (progesterone, estrogen, thyroxine, cortisol and adrenaline).
Pam Everitt: Acupuncture Diagnosis.
The first thing I needed to establish about the ‘guinea pig’ was her Causative Factor (CF). This is one of the central ideas of Five Element acupuncture. The CF is the name given to the element whose weakness is the key to all the patterns of disharmony within the body, mind and spirit. The CF is primarily revealed by the Colour, Sound, Odour and Emotion. Using these four diagnostic tools I diagnosed as being a Wood CF. I saw a blue-green colour on her face, heard a Shout (not meant pejoratively) in her voice. Her emotion was Anger, again, not in a pejorative sense, her work in Human Rights Advocacy for Women and Children, suggests she has a strong sense of outrage and injustice. I was unable to detect her odour on the night. Odour has nothing to do with cleanliness.
The Wood element is the season of Spring, it is the power of Birth, the climate of Wind. Wood opens into the eyes hence the sense organ is sight. Ligaments and tendons are the tissue and body parts associated with Wood. The secretion is Tears and external manifestations are the Nails. There are many other associations to the Wood element that are too great to be detailed here.
Treatment of Wood CF patients involves needling acupuncture points along the Liver and Gall Bladder meridians (energy pathways). When we talk of organs, such as the Liver and Gall Bladder, we need to appreciate that in Chinese medicine, the word ‘organ’ carries much wider connotations than in the Western physiological sense.
There are too many associations with the Liver and Gall Bladder meridians to list. However, an example of how the ‘guinea pig’ may be helped by needling the two meridians is the Liver’s function of storing Blood. The function of storing Blood has an important effect on menstruation. Malfunction of the Liver may result in premenstrual tension. The ‘guinea pig’ described how hopeless she feels when suffering from PMT. The Wood Element is all about vision on a body, mind, and spirit level, it is clear that on a mental and spirit level PMT leaves the ‘guinea pig’ lacking vision for the future, hence her sense of hopelessness.
In summary, by treating her Wood Element I would hope to see her symptoms at body, mind and spirit level improve greatly, if not disappear completely.
The Guinea Pig's Verdict On Homeopathy: 'Big changes but not the ones I expected.'
I started homeopathy mid-July, coinciding with being on the mini-pill which stopped my periods.
As days ticked by my health had improved but I couldn’t say for sure it was the Ignatia prescribed by Peter. I’d also started to notice internal shifts in how I felt: more solid and clear about things in my life.
It was only a few weeks later that I felt certain homeopathy had an effect.
Why? Because my health had improved in ways not linked to taking the mini-pill such as altered but improved sleep patterns (still some insomnia but I actually wake feeling rested now) and less appetite early in the day.
Meanwhile I’d had predictable improvements (predicted by conventional medicine) in almost a complete cessation of migraines, no more depressed mood (how incredible is that!), no more heart palpitations and no unquenchable thirst and dark urine.
But the biggest shift of all was in making a huge life decision – to leave my partner and become homeless in the process – without a sense of the ambiguity, regret and volte face which had plagued our previous break-ups and make-ups.
Seemingly overnight, it became powerfully clear to me that this was not a relationship which supported my values, indeed it compromised them – a possessive and demanding clip to my free spirited wings.
I had seen this aspect of our relationship many times, but had worked with it, believing it was solvable, doable, manageable. But this time there was no reconciliation after a predictable argument. In the dialogue that followed the morning after the night before, I said “there is no going back this time, I feel it, I know it. I will never ever change my mind”. And I was right.
In the past I have made very difficult decisions and grasped them with white knuckles and clenched teeth, waiting until I passed the phase of intense stress and oscillation.
But for what feels like the first time in my life I made a really hard choice feeling calm, and trusting in myself in a way that was deeply reassuring, life affirming and really quite incredible.
It was his house and so when I left him I also had to leave what had become my home. Suddenly I was sleeping on my mother’s lounge floor with my young daughter, having reached the end of my savings, having no clue how I would find another home to rent with such an erratic income, let alone before school resumes in September.
And all the time continuing to work on a really challenging contract desperately hoping no one at work realised that I still worked from home, but no longer had one (landline removed from email footer and skype or mobile preferred). Yet at the same time feeling overwhelmingly calm and at peace.
I sensed that was the homeopathy at play because it was too different to any state of being I’ve known before.
When I met Peter again at that 6 week point, the best way I can describe how I felt was like disparate parts of me had been united into a solid core. No questions, no doubt, a peace in being me. It felt like this crisis point I had reached was waiting to happen and the events which unfolded from it were like pre-set dominoes – each falling into the next - tap, tap, tap, until I reach a predictable and I hope positive outcome (I’m still not sure what that is).
Had I felt this before in periods when not depressed or when in the past I have been on the pill? No. This feeling is definitely something new and it continues. I have had counselling on and off over the years and have a good understanding of what emotional and psychological change feels like, and I have to say it is normally geologically slow and also painful compared to this.
I asked Peter if significant emotional impacts (I mean beyond a levelling of mood) were expected in homeopathy. Yes they can happen he said, as homeopathy works at both a lower (physical) and higher (spiritual) level, but the person must be strong and willing to accept that shift. I felt proud. I know I am strong and resilient, but I didn’t perhaps appreciate how truly ready I was for sweeping emotional as well as physical change.
It feels like I have eased into being me. Like different parts of me have been flapping around in the wind trying to connect with eachother and I am now united in a neat bundle, from within which I can settle further into myself.
I write this in week 7. So do not know how this will play out, but I still feel optimistic, I still feel like I am at peace within what for now seems to be rather a mess. As I said to Peter “I am having a life crisis which feels rather easy to have”. That can’t be bad.
Meanwhile I have just completed my second course of homeopathy tablets and will soon be starting acupuncture. I am keen to completely stop the headaches – while milder and less frequent they do still occur, to stop insomnia completely (although that is harder to judge while camping out and my sleep environment is not usual). I would also like to stop the mini-pill and resume my body’s natural cycles, but want to build more confidence in the improvements made thus far before attempting this.
The Guinea Pig; My First Time At Acupuncture
Having now had homeopathy and been on the mini pill for a while, my list of symptoms has reduced. My main concerns are now regular headaches (far far milder as I no longer have migraines) and ongoing insomnia.
When I was a young girl I used to accompany my Mum to her acupuncture sessions in the 1970s, which she had for a bad back. I would sit patiently playing or reading as she lay on the couch, her back pricked with needles which would remain in place for the whole session, only to be removed at the end.
So that is what I was expecting from Pam.
However Pam practises 5 element acupuncture, which I have learned is a far more involved, traditional and complex system. To use a banal analogy, Pam’s style of acupuncture is like making a pot of loose leaf tea with its depth of flavour, complexity of taste and accompanying ritual and richness of experience, and the acupuncture my mother had was a Tetley’s tea bag.
The language of 5 elements acupuncture is poetic and philosophical, with locations within the physical and energetic body such as “Sun and Moon” and “Gateway of Hope”. As a client you do not need to know these of course, but for me, they gave me a sense of affinity with what is essentially an unfathomable process (to me).
From the discussions Pam and I had, it is clear that she is both incredibly knowledgeable about this traditional and almost elite form of acupuncture, and also incredibly modest.
While acupuncture and the medical system which underpins it are 2,000 years old, our Western culture has only just decided there might be something in it, with four mainstream UK universities now offering acupuncture degrees.
What instantly engaged me was Pam’s diagnostic ability. She knew almost straight away that I was a Wood Causative Factor, indeed when I met her at the “Guinea Pig evening” and arrived early, she immediately asked “Do you always arrive early?” and had already started making her diagnosis, her first impression being confirmed many questions and answers later.
The best way I can describe the concept of a causative factor, from the very little I know, is that it provides the seed of the person – how they manifest physically, mentally/emotionally and spiritually, and how they then take this combined presence into the world and interact with it. And it is in balancing and treating this essence, that the whole person is restored to equilibrium and health. That’s my layman’s way of explaining my very basic layman’s understanding.
And since having had two sessions, I have been affected on all three levels:
- Physically: I had a one day headache the day after both sessions. Pam explained symptoms can get worse immediately afterwards. After the second session I had a twitching right eyelid for 4 days – something I have never had in my life – and which Pam later explained is a sign of the gall bladder balancing (she had identified a problem with my liver and gall bladder). After the first two sessions I was so tired I drove straight home and went to sleep – I can never sleep in the day normally, however tired I am. As I lay on the couch after session 2 with my eyes closed, I could see bright luminous purple and pink lights as if behind my eyelids – something I have seen before when very relaxed, but never pink! The spot bleeding I have been getting as a result of the mini-pill also decreased significantly.
- Mentally/emotionally: After my first session and after the day’s headache I was tearful for a whole day, on the lines of PMT which I no longer get! Then after my second session I wrote two deeply emotional, raw and cathartic pieces of autobiographical writing for a creative writing course I am doing. These brought issues up from the deepest parts of myself and were incredibly healing to write (and read aloud to the class). My insomnia also completely stopped after the first session and returned, but to a lesser extent, after the second session.
- Spiritually: After session 2, I had a premonition that someone I knew who I had not heard from for a while, would contact me out of the blue. I texted a friend and said “they are going to contact me imminently I can feel it as if it’s already happened”. And within 48 hours I had a letter from that person. I was amazed and also thrilled at this new experience, and described it to Pam as if my channels were unblocking, allowing my writing from the deepest inaccessible place, this seeming psychic event where it felt like information was dropped so easily and tangibly in through the top of my head. I say the top of my head because it has started tingling occasionally as if there is a faint breeze on it.
A very exciting journey to be on. I also have a lovely new rental home, my 6 week stint at sleeping on my mother’s dining room floor having had a very happy ending, with my daughter and I now happily settled.
There are more sessions to come with acupuncture, perhaps 5 or 6 in total, but that will be determined as its effects are recorded.